You read the title right.
I never really thought of it that way until this year. You see, I had gone to a church my whole life. My children always sat quietly next to me in the pews while we listened to the sermons. I knew they weren’t really getting anything out of the sermon, and was I? My mind would often wonder while I listened to the priest. I felt comfortable in the church, but I wasn’t really paying attention or hearing what they had to say. One day I was asked to visit another church. It took me a bit before I actually went to check out this new church, but when I did I was shocked…I actually “got it”. I understood everything the pastor was saying and it all made sense. Wow, I thought, this could be good for my whole family. I hadn’t convinced my husband right off the bat that this was a good thing. You see, he hadn’t been going to church with us in the past, so he didn’t really know what he was missing. I took the boys with me to see what they thought and they were excited! They begged me to take them to the new church every weekend and they couldn’t wait until Sundays! And then my husband started going with us. It didn’t take him long and he too was longing for church and excited when Sunday finally got here. It was great, and then one day…it all changed….
Our church closed its doors and we were left with no church home. I’m not going to go into details as to how we got to this point, but it happened and when it did we were left lost. The thought of visiting new churches suddenly scared me. My husband was not comfortable walking into someone else’s church and sitting down. He doesn’t like to be the center of attention, and I don’t blame him, neither do I.
I decided that it might be best that I visit a church alone. I wanted to check it out before I brought my whole family. I did take my mother and sister with me. We tried to sneak in quietly and unnoticed, however we were noticed. I’m sure most of the people in the church had been attending it for years, they were going to know if someone new had entered. We slipped into a seat in the corner, towards the back. The sermon was great and afterwards people came up and greeted us. Everyone seemed really nice and I was really thinking this could be someplace I would bring my family, however I wasn’t sure.
And then I mentioned that I have children—5 children. They seemed excited and let me know that the little ones are to go to the nursery before church starts and the other children will be dismissed to their Sunday School classes after music worship (not sure if that’s what they call it, but that’s what I’m going with). And suddenly I was worried. Is this a church I want to attend? Will I be able to leave my 2 year old with total strangers during the service?
And so I ask…how did you find your church?
Did you visit many churches before settling on one, or did you just settle with the first church you visited?
Is it just me, or does anyone else get totally paranoid about leaving their children in a nursery with strangers?
You see, I grew up in a church where the children sat in the pews next to us. We knew when our children got loud that we needed to take them to the back of the church and quiet them down. That’s just how we did it. I have no problem with a church having a nursery, I am just not sure how I will leave my son in the nursery with strangers before I get to know these people.
Am I just crazy?
I completely agree….leaving your children to be cared for by strangers is just creepy to me. Not to mention, at what age do we start training the kids to sit through church? I completely support churches having children’s church I just think that the parent should have the option of sending them or keeping the kids with them. We are also looking for a church right now and it is so very hard.
I’m so glad others see things the way I do. I was really hoping I was not the only one that thought this way. I was raised in a church where the children just sat beside me. I love the idea of there being children’s churches and so forth, I just like the option though. I definitely will not be joining a church that isn’t children friendly. 😉
I grew up in a traditional church where we sat in pews with our parents. My grandmother always had hard candies and crayons in her purse. Not long after I accepted Christ, I felt called to find a more modern church. One that I could really relate to. Fast forward 4 years and we were married with a baby. I would sit in the nursing room and watch from there. It was so uncomfortable. We started looking for a new church that is filled with babies and kids in the main service but also has an amazing children’s program. Sometimes I sneak into the preschool worship and watch my daughter dance and praise Him. She raises her hands and closes her eyes and soaks in Jesus. Sometimes she sits with me.
The one thing I love love love about our current church is that every volunteer is background checked and they have strict rules about kids always being with 2 adults.
I don’t think you are crazy. If your kids are not disruptive and the topic is appropriate, I think keeping them with you is perfectly wonderful. If the church disagrees, then I say, keep shopping.
Our pastor always says…there is no perfect church because there is no perfect people but you can find the right people in the right church.
Can I come to your church Melanie! I want my babies to soak up Jesus like yours! That is awesome, awesome, awesome! Would it be weird of me to start asking questions about things like the nursery and so forth when I visit churches? I don’t want them to feel like I’m doing an interview with them, however I have anxiety issues and even walking into a packed church full of people I have never met makes me anxious/nervous! I definitely can not hand my children off to a stranger I don’t know. I know people do it all the time, but I just can not. I know I will be fine with it once we get settled into a church and know the people, but until then, I’m just not sure I can.
Thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment. I hope you are doing well, and we definitely have to get together one of these days! 🙂
I moved from Texas to Wa, and I was very concerned about finding a church family about 5 1/2 years ago. I was pregnant at the time, and it was very important to be family freindly to me. It is hard. I think it comes down to comfort level. At some churchs I have find that there are background checks, but I still – it is strangers. I think it comes down to your comfort. We had an idea of what type of church we wanted so started from there. I only visited 2 churches here. The second one we visited, we had a good idea on the 1st visit that this was the church for us, however we reserved joining for about 3 months, just to make sure. Like you said people came to us – which was nice, but also being pregnant they were already trying to talk about how much they would like us to be there. I always had a nursery at my church growing up and we had Bible hour for young children. (mini sermon/class when it was time for the preacher to talk) . I love Bible hour! My parents also helped out during this at times. Now At the church we go to they have Sunhine time . At first I just hung out in the nursery, went to lady classes during the week as soon as I could handle my newborn. So I just tried to really get to know at least the people that were going to be around my kid (now kids :). I think that helped, I also asked other parents about their feelings about the people running classes and nursery. After about 2 years I felt pretty good. It takes time to build relationships, but you really have to want to try and put yourself out there. But always stay with your kids untill you feel like you can leave them. I was always incourged to join the kids during there class, or sunshine time. Mostly I just helped were I could to be around the kids. If you don’t want to leave your kids you do not have to. Besides after they get older like around 2nd grade (or sooner) they just stay with the parents during church time, except for classes. Just get involved if you want them to participate, but not sure who to trust. Granted you can never be to careful, and always talk to your kids about appropriate behavior 🙂 Hope this helps – Good Luck – just keep trying 🙂
Thanks Jennifer! I love that so many people are taking the time to share their stories and show their support with us. I really appreciate it. I’m glad you were able to find a church that worked for your whole family. 🙂
You are not crazy at all! We “church shopped” after Jake was born. I too had grown up going to church and my husband had not. I wanted someplace the kids would enjoy going to. Some told me that was a bad reason to pick a church. It was hard knowing I was about to step out of the religion my entire family were members of (even though half of them never went to church, “we are a strong Catholic family!” is what I heard over and over.
I also checked churches out by myself first. I wanted to know what I was looking at before I took everyone in. Keeping the kids beside me was also important. I noticed a lady with a child Jake’s age at one church. He was a little noisy, but I was intrigued…they sat right up front! I knew her a little, so I asked her if other members got upset with the kids in the sanctuary. She told me they offered an early service, where the older people who were bothered by kids went. At the later service, nobody really minded as long as if your kids get too loud, you take them out. She mentioned “if you don’t ever take them in the sanctuary, how will they ever learn to sit through a service?” I was sold.
Our current church offers Sunday School from babies to adult between the two services. Then we go onto the later service which also has a Children’s Message a little ways into the service. It’s very close to the Catholic faith I grew up in, but this church fits our family. I also wanted some place with opportunities to be part of the church outside of just coming for an hour on Sunday.
Keep checking things out, you will find the one that fits and you will know it. We still visit other churches from time to time. I’ve been judged on this thought too, but I think its important to change things up sometimes and see why others love their churches so you can have an open mind. If the kids are staying with friends, I’m ok with them going to their friends church and learning a little about their religion.
Thanks Kara, for making me feel a little less crazy! ha ha! I too grew up as a Catholic. We were living in a very catholic community as well. It was really hard for us to make the switch to another church. I had no issues with the catholic church, however we just got a lot from the new church. Now that we are shopping I know exactly what I want in a church, I just hope I can find one that my whole family enjoys. Thanks! 🙂
No you’re not crazy. I’m not comfortable leaving my kids with anyone until or unless I’m comfortable with them – and being a church nursery doesn’t change that. YOU have to be comfortable ultimately. Not that there’s anything wrong with them, but… I think there’s something to be said for responsible parenting and knowing when it’s right for your kids to be with you (and not distract others), and when not.
It’s been a while since I’ve been here… Lots to catch up on 🙂
Nicole!!!! Thanks for stopping by! I hope you are doing well! I have missed you and your site! Thanks for the advice and for letting me know I’m not completely crazy. 😉
I checked out a few church homes a few years ago because I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue going to my mother-in-law’s church because all my life I have just gone to churches that people that I knew went to and wanted to see what I could find on my own but decided I liked where I was.
It is tough trying to find exactly what we want. I’m glad you have a church home that you are comfortable in. 🙂
I agree with you on shopping around without the children so you can find a great fit before taking the children. I personally wouldn’t ever leave my children under elementary school age with anyone other than a trusted family member/sitter.
I would choose to have them sit with me. I am going to share my personal hard learning experience just this year, so I can maybe help others avoid a bad situation. We visited a church 3 times and liked it enough to give it a “real try” and took the kids. My 3 year old son went to a class for the preaching portion of the service (a total of about 30 minutes). While he was there he was spanked with a switch and had marks on his butt and broken skin on his fingers that was bleeding from where he tried to grab the switch. He was sobbing when I got him, and told me in his 3 year old language that he was beaten for standing up during class!!!!
I pressed charges, but sadly, the courts wouldn’t even hear his testimony because he is “too young to accurately remember what happened” even though he still has nightmares. Also, anything *I* (his mother) told, and anything the doctor told was “hearsay” per the judge. He also saw the pictures and ruled those switch marks on my son and the broken skin/scabs could have happened at any time. Don’t ever trust your children to people you don’t know. Not all people who attend church are good people. Obviously not all are bad, but I was naive and thought my child would be with safe. My son is still terrified of church and I just wish I had kep thim with me so he wouldn’t have this bad experience. Needless to say, we don’t go to church anywhere now, and probably won’t ever.
I am so very sorry to hear about the terrible things that took place with your family. I hope that you can understand that this is not the case in all churches, actually in most churches. It’s just like going anyplace else…school for instance, if this had happened to you in a school you probably wouldn’t forever stay away from a school, would you? I will pray for your family and hope that you do one day enter back into the church and find a wonderful church that your family will love.
I went to the same church for the longest time till I was 13, thats when my family decided we should go to another church. We loved that church so we stayed (this is the church I met my husband in). I stayed at this church till I was 21 and then felt the lord leading me to seek another church since this one was having many issues and going to be closing its doors. I began attending another church my husband and I got married and started having children. This church ( now my 3rd) started having issues and so again I felt the Lord leading me to seek another place where my spirit and my childrens could be fed. I ended up back at the church where I started as a child….we attended for awhile, but again seen where the church wasn’t growing and my children were the only ones there so they had no class to attend. I left this church w/ our children and my husband stayed, he was tired of looking around and just wanted to stay somewhere even though he didn’t feel it was right. After much “Church Shopping” I finally found a place to call home, my children have a great program and our oldest excepted Christ as his personal savior this past August.
As far as being nervous about leaving my children in class, I am not…our church has a great system in place for security, my kids love going to class even on the first day we attended.
Thanks for telling your story Shaunte. I’m so glad you and your family have found a church that you love. My issue is not necessarily the classes, I’m fine leaving my children in class, I just have anxiety issues with leaving my 2 year old in the nursery with strangers. I would be fine once I got to know the strangers though. 😉
Yes, we have church-shopped before. Sometimes with good results; sometimes with not-so-good results. I wanted to comment more on the leaving your child in a nursery, though. First of all, if you are not comfortable with your child being in a nursery, you should not be forced to leave him there. Also, kids learn how to sit and listen to the sermon by sitting in church with their parents. Some of that is process is missed if your child is in the nursery. It is entirely your call. Go with your gut!
Saw this and thought of you. Have you heard of the film? It’s apparently about just what you’re talking about here – separating the ages.
https://plus.google.com/u/0/112509750800754140693/posts/MYZADXjsWko
I have not! Thanks so much Nicole! I’m going to check it out!