What are your thoughts on this issue?
I ask because our oldest son showed very little interest in baseball when he was younger, therefore we never pushed the issue. My husband and I both played ball when we were younger. My husband was even the pitcher on his team in high school. We figured with 5 boys someone was bound to love baseball, however our oldest wasn’t interested. That is until he hit about 5th grade. At this point all of the other kids had already been playing for 4 years. They knew what they were doing and they were actually pretty good. Our son had no clue as to how the game was played, but he wanted to play, and we were excited. He played for 2 years and he was pretty good. He was extremely shy and nervous while playing though. I think baseball really helped his self esteem and he made a lot of friends while playing, however he decided not to continue with the game this year. His heart just wasn’t in it and he was no longer interested. I didn’t make him join this year because he is old enough to know what he does/doesn’t want to do, we have never forced him to play in the past and it wouldn’t be fair.
Now, this is where it gets tricky…
Our 9 year old son is an awesome baseball player. He started early and already has 2 years under his belt. We moved to a new town where he doesn’t yet know a lot of other kids (we attend a private school), so he is (what I believe to be) nervous about playing. He says he is not interested, however he hits the ball in the backyard all the time and is always throwing the ball with his brother.
Would you sign him up regardless of the fact that he says he is not interested?
Would you insist he play because he needs to be in a sport?
I know parents that insist there children join either a sport or a club or something so that they are active.
We made the decision not to force our children to join things. We are always open with them and let them know that we are happy to have them join sports, clubs or other activities, however we don’t want to force them. This is just how we do things.
Are we a little bummed that we won’t be spending time on the bleachers at the ball diamonds this year? Well yeah, but we would never be disappointed in our children or the decisions they have made. Two of our children have shown interest in playing soccer this year and while it’s a new sport to us and not something we know a lot about, we are encouraging them to give it a try and have fun with it!
Our oldest son took guitar lessons for a while when he was younger. The point I want to get across is that we are willing to try anything once. If after they try, even if they are really good at it, we don’t force them to continue. I might be really good at housework, but that doesn’t mean I want to do it all the time, you know? My husband is really good at building things, but he doesn’t want to do it all the time. I think it’s only healthy to allow our children the chance to make decisions from time to time, however it is fine to sit them down and discuss these decisions and find out why the decisions are being made. If they are nervous and that is why they don’t want to play, maybe you can find a way to make them a little less nervous?
Do you insist your children do things even when they absolutely do not want to?
I think this is a great question. I’ve been the same way with my children. When my son was nervous about playing, we suggested he just try one more season. Maybe you could encourage one more season and hope that he makes new friends (I know he will). This will also gie him confidence and he will no longer have doubt in himself, especially with his new school and team. The good talks and encouragement that I’ve shown my kids has allowed them to trust me and they’ve tended to go with my suggestion and ended up being glad they did. I’m sure things will be fine either way, but hope my comment helps. 🙂
I greatly appreciate you taking the time to comment Ginger. I value everyone’s input and am so open to hearing what everyone thinks! I was so torn on this subject and part of me just wants to say, You’re playing child, let’s go, however last year he wasn’t into it and wanted to quit. He complained a lot throughout the year about not wanting to go and so that made my decision a little easier. The only problem….he’s SO darn good! He says he wants to play soccer though, so I’m welcoming the new sport for him! Our 7 year old played soccer for the first time last year and he really enjoyed it. So, a soccer Mom I will become—and I’ll take whatever they throw at me! 🙂
My children aren’t there yet, but I know we will start t-ball in the fall. We will sign him up to let him try it just to see. My biggest thing with kids is that these days most just want to stay home and play on the computer/insert other technology here. I don’t know if that is your child’s thing or not, but we are big believers in getting kids involved in activities outside the home. I think it would be okay to tell him he doesn’t have to play baseball but that he needed to choose some activity(doesn’t necessarily have to be a sport) to keep him busy and with children his age. One year I didn’t want to do soccer(after being on the #1 team 3 years in a row). I ended up signing up for an Art class because my mom wanted me to do something. But the big rule is, once you are signed up you see it to the end. There is no quitting in the middle of the class/year/season.
Oh I agree with you on children not getting enough “activity” outside of the video games and so forth. This is definitely not my son’s case. He is actually very active and always outdoors kicking, bouncing or throwing some sort of ball around. It surprised me that he didn’t want to play baseball, but then again it didn’t because even though he’s great at the game, he wanted to quit halfway through last year. We do encourage our children to finish what they start, hence the reason I didn’t force him to play ball this year. I had to convince myself that it was ok that he wasn’t playing and I’m actually fine with his decision now. I love everyone’s input and hope it helps others that have stopped by! 🙂
I personally dont believe parents should never force their kids to play, especially when you already told them it was their decision to begin with. I see this all the time where we live, the kids & coaches are frustrated & are having a miserable time because they didnt want to play. Than your wasting everyones time & energy in hopes of him enjoying it when he doesnt. If he express intrest in the game but doesnt want to play, maybe take him to a few practices & games & if he decides he wants to play when they are just beginning the season, maybe talk to the coaches about him joining. If not, maybe he can join next year & find something else he would enjoy. Point: if u told your kids one thing but than go against your word, you will loose his trust. Hope that helps.
Hi Leah, thanks for you input. I definitely agree with you about losing their trust. I would never tell him it’s his choice and then force him to do it anyway. As much as I would love to see him play, his heart just isn’t in it…it’s mine that is. I’m excited that he is going to try soccer for the first time this year though! 🙂
I may be the odd one out here but I would still put him in baseball this year. Since you think the reason he says he doesn’t want to play is because he is nervous about playing in a new town. It would be different if he never wanted to play it at home and truly hated it. Especially if he has a talent for it. What if he doesn’t like soccer? Then what? It would be too late to register for baseball. So you will be stuck with a sulking kid making him go play a sport that you really don’t want to be at anyways. At nine years old I think he still needs help making decisions. Even if he thinks he knows everything. lol Now if he plays this season and really doesn’t like it, then a soccer mom you will have to become. We are a baseball family here too. All three of my boys play this year. So our entire summer will be at the ball park. Baseball season starts in three weeks. I can’t wait!
I value everyone’s opinions and can totally relate to what you are saying. I so badly wanted to just tell my son to play. I must say though that last year he wasn’t “into” it really either. He wanted to quit halfway through the year but we made him finish what he had started. He is very good at the sport, however he seems to be really good at just about any sport he tries, so I’m thinking either he is going to try another sport and love it or realize he loves baseball and pick it back up next year. Sign ups for baseball were actually a few months ago and the kids have already started practices. I do believe I would still be able to get him on a team, although it might be a little harder at this point. I think the hardest part for us is that we have 5 boys and NONE of them are playing ball this year. Our 7 year old was never interested in baseball, but he played soccer last year and loved it. Our 9 year old was bored out of his mind watching our 7 year old practice, but this year he says he wants to play and is excited. We shall see how it goes. I figure even if he doesn’t play this year, he knows the game and is good at it, so he could always pick back up next year…right?
My kids are just getting to the age where they can start being involved in sports and activities. We’re trying to have them at least try the things that are offered in our area before they decide what they do or don’t want to do. I can’t see that either of my kids will ever be super athletic (just not in the genes!l lol!) but they’ve both tried soccer and basketball so far. My daughter has decided against each of them, but she is in dance and enjoyed cheerleading this year. My son didn’t excel in the sports, but had fun and seems to want to continue. He also is in art classes. With ALL that said, I wouldn’t force them if it’s not something that they enjoy and are talented in, but in your case I think I would ask your son to at least try it this year since he has obviously enjoyed it in the past. Maybe he’ll even find a new best friend! 🙂
No child is going to love all sports so what I did is told my kids they had to try it once and then decide. I don’t think they should make decisions without knowing. As a result, my kids have tried tennis, soccer, basketball, baseball, swimming, hockey, skateboarding, skiing, and snowboarding (OK, this is what I can remember of the top of my head!) and some they loved, some they didn’t. My kids ended up picking out the favorites for themselves and have a great time!
I think there is a difference between forcing and urging. If you have him try it and he doesn’t like it then he can try a different sport, after the season is over. The one thing that we stress is, finishing what you start. So, they have to complete a full season and give their best effort.
Great point Crystal. I’m not going to make him play this year since he has already tried it the last couple of years. I think it was more me that wanted him to play and I realized that it wasn’t right for me to force him. He wanted to quit halfway through the year last year and I wouldn’t let him.
No. Do not make him do it again even if he IS good at it — there’s nothing wrong with him only doing it as a hobby here and there. I fiddle with computer building as a hobby. I like it. I could possibly make money off it if I went to school for it — but really, I kinda don’t want to; it’d ruin the fun. Same with cars and music. It’s fine; let the kid alone, Mom. He’ll be fine.
My daughter seems more disrespectful as she gets older. She’s 10 now. My DH and I were going to force her to do kickboxing and jiu jitsu to help her control her anger and build discipline. However, she was distraught with the idea, said she was very uncomfortable with the gym (all teenage boys and men and only one teenage girl, so no one her age and no other girls.) We decided against it because listening to her feelings is more important at this time. So, instead, we listened to her ideas. She’s a musician at heart, not an athlete. She’s taking piano, and wants to add violin. However, she’s also very interested in rock climbing and yoga. So we’re looking into a way to add one of those to her life.
I think it’s great that you are listening to your daughter, especially if she was really uncomfortable. We are working to find things that all of our boys love and can do without feeling like it’s a “chore”.