We live in a very Catholic community. My children attend the catholic religion program one evening a week. They have been doing this since Preschool. About a year ago I visited a new church, one my Mother and sister had been attending for a few months already. They were Catholic as well, but really liked this new non-denominational church. I was really curious, so I visited one day. We have been there just about every Sunday since. I got so much out of that one sermon that I had to keep going back. I never really “got it” before.
Ok, to get to my dilemma. The boys love the new church. They are getting so much out of it, however they are now asking to quit the Catholic religious program that I have them in. I have been thinking about this a lot for a while and finally made the decision to allow the boys to quit this program at the end of the school year. And my dilemma…the boys want to quit now. Our second child is supposed to be making his First Communion in May. He does not want to. He cries and whines and begs for me to let him quit. He states that he loves the new church and that he doesn’t want to do both.
So, I have a decision to make…and FAST!
What would you do?
Would you make your child stick it out until the end of the year (no real reason for this, just to finish I guess), or would you allow them to drop out now (right before First Communion)? I am so torn on this. Part of me wants him to stick it out and the other part of me wants to allow him to discontinue the program.
While I know it’s just your opinion and all opinions will vary, I really want to know what YOU would do if it were YOUR child.
Thanks!!!
I think you have an awesome learning opportunity for your son. I can understand a young child not wanting to finish, but sometimes it is important to finish what you start. Sometimes when you make a commitment to do something then you really need to see it through to the end. And you might tell him, that he has made a commitment to God to do this program and receive his first communion.
Now, on the other hand, if something else is going on during the classes (because he isn’t attending church on Sunday’s as well) then it might be time to pull him from the program.
Good luck with your decision! It is a tough one to make.
I do not think letting them quit a church program that they are obviously uncortable with is teaching them to not follow through. As adults, if we are in situations we are uncomfortable with, we change them. If you let them make a decision like this for themselves, I believe it builds trust and makes the child feel good about making his/her own decisions. We want our children to be responsible and to grow up healthy yet we force things on them that are detrimental to that. Why would we think that’s a good thing. forcing a child to do anything like this may make them question their own judgement in other situations that make them uncomfortable and that could be dangerous.
I would ask him to stick it out. We had plans to switch churches after my son’s 1st communion (one catholic church for another) and while we could have just picked up and moved him mid year, it was important that he complete the task at hand. It’s not that much longer and remind him that patience with this item will be worthwhile. Good Luck with everything..
i would let them quit.
that’s a tough one…
first of all, i love your new layout, background…looks great and those are my favorite colors!!! i want a new look to my family blog, who did it?
ok, I took first communion but never was confirmed, which led to problems when it was time to get married…BUT being raised Catholic, I always felt like I was never given a chance to choose religion…not sure if non-denominational would have been for me, but I would have liked to TRY other churches, ya know? so, that’s your call but I think you have raised wonderful boys and they can probably make great decisions! good luck with it…that’s a tough one…
If it were my children, I would let them discontinue the Catholic religion class. I know he is so close to his First Holy Communion, but if you found a new non-demoninational church that you love, then that’s all that matters!!!! 🙂 I don’t think it’s teaching them anything “wrong” (ex. if you don’t like something you can just quit). I think it’s teaching them that if you find something you love (ex. your new non-denominational church), seek it out, put your time into it, etc. Just my two cents! 🙂 Good luck with whatever you decide!
We were in the EXACT same situation. My oldest son finished his first communion and that was the last Catholic mass we went to! For awhile I felt guilty because my next son is now in 2nd grade and I had my 3rd baby who wasn’t baptized as a newborn. We LOVE our new church and are excited to be there. My family is still very Catholic and they don’t get it 100% but in my heart I think and hope I am doing the right thing 🙂
What does your husband say? If he has a preference I would go with what he wanted. If that means having them finish I would ask him to talk to the boys about why he feels it is important. However, if he doesn’t care either way I personally would allow them to leave the program now. Forcing him to do something he feels so strongly about, especially in regard to church “rituals”, may push him to not want anything to do with church. Just my 2 cents.
Hello. You have a bit of a poser on your hands. Have you spoken to the pastor in your new church? Perhaps he could give you some insights into the differences between the two, Catholic on one hand and the position of the church you are attending. Sometimes you will find there will be a wide gap and this may become a problem with your children being taught one thing on Sunday and another during the week. It brings about confusing and conflicting ideas. And if you do find a big difference, I think you should stop before communion. It means different things in different churches, different commitments. That is my oar in the mix – from a pastor’s wife.
I am coming from an Evangelical Christian background. It’s so exciting when God open’s up His word to you and things finally start clicking. I am happy for you and your family. As for your son, are you going to have him have First Communion in the Catholic Church? If not than there is no reason for him to finish. I have several family members who are Catholic, so I understand the pull of possibly being raised in the Catholic Church or the pull of Catholic family members wanting you not to make the switch. I would seek out your new Pastor and find out what the new Church believes in regards to Communion, and even Baptism, and why and go from there. You may just find some more things begin to click!
What a wonderful opportunity to show your children that we as parents don’t always know everything and that we are willing to allow the Lord to lead us. Being a parent is so hard and we want to be perfect… but I think it’s really good to show your kids that you are REAL!! I am excited that you have found a place that you can truly worship and your children feel good about being there. I would be sure to explain that you made this decision to let them quit by letting the Lord lead you. What an AWESOME teachable moment. Blessings to you and your family.
I would really pray about this alone, with your husband as well as with your children. Maybe Christ is placing it on their hearts to stop or something.
I was raised Catholic and quit going in the middle of my conformation classes. I just didn’t feel in my heart that I was supposed to do it. My parents let me, but my mother wasn’t thrilled. I really think even at a young age children can know and understand what God is calling them to do (something I never learned in Catholic church). I think the most important thing no matter what you decide is that you and your family do what brings you closer to God. The act of communion means nothing if the feeling, faith and heart are not behind it. Good luck.
I absolutely would not force him to keep going if he truly does not want to. I believe this will only skew his image of church, religion and God. if a child is forced to do something like this, they are less likely to keep it in their lives as adults. Religion and your relationship with God is a very personal matter. If the kids love this new church so much, then they must not have been getting what they need from the catholic church. You yourself, said you never got it until you attended this new church. Your kids obviously feel the same way but cannot express it as well as you do. When you leave church, I believe you should feel exhilirated, happy and loved. You should feel like you just learned something new and leave with a smile on your face.
If your kids are this unhappy going to a program through the church, why force them. Would you make your child watch a movie that made him sad or uncomfortable? Would you force him to wear clothes that didnt fit him?
Thank you all so much for voicing your opinions. I have enjoyed reading them all and hearing what others would do if they were in a similar situation. One other thing I should have mentioned is that pretty much all of their friends and classmates attend this religious program. My fear was that pulling them out right at the end of the year (just a couple of months before it ends) would cause questions and stuff from classmates. I didn’t want them to have to deal with all of that. Does that make sense? I don’t think the children fully understand that others don’t always agree with your religious choices. Being that we live in a Catholic community and all of their classmates (for the most part) attend the catholic services/programs it can be tough and confusing. The religious educators already know that we are attending another church. We donated a bunch of toys to a charitable organization around Christmas time and our photo was in the paper, with our church’s name listed below it. The boys were questioned at the time about this, however it wasn’t made a big issue and I have never been questioned. It’s tough when you feel like you should do something and go in one direction, but then there is something keeping you from doing just that. I’ll continue to pray about it. Thank you all so very much for chiming in. I appreciate it! 🙂
I am going to start this by apologizing if this gets long winded… 🙂
If your son’s heart is not in the right place, the first communion would be the wrong thing to do, or make him do. Communion is something that you should want to do, and not feel forced to do. If at the new church he one day feels that he is ready to partake in communion, then all of the angels and God will rejoice.
This is one of the areas that I have always disagreed with Catholicism. Many of their practices are very robotic in a way. It is just something you do, without necessarily having the heart in the right place to want to do it (the practice/communion/confession/etc).
I would make sure that your boys know that they may be asked questions about them quitting the program. If they are okay and truly feel that quitting now is what they want to do (despite any “consequences”) then, let them make that choice.
In matters of faith, the heart always needs to be in the practice. If the heart does not feel the faith, it is all for not, and their future in faith can be damaged. I agree with Amanda and Lori above saying that you need to see what the Lord is leading you, the boys, and the family as a whole to do.
I would let him quit immediately. It will just confuse him
I think you already have your answer. 🙂 If you have moved on, I would let your boys move on too. To me, a lot of religions are just religions. They are simply churches that follow rules and rituals. But once you have experienced something different, like a personal relationship with God that goes beyond the rules and boundaries of religion, it’s hard to go back. And obviously your boys sense that difference as well. Good luck girl. I know it’s hard when you are trying to figure out what’s best but I think you already know in your heart what that *right thing* is.